After many years in the Fashion world, I had come to a point where I felt that I needed a change. Theater reconnected me to a higher truth and triggered in my head questions like: “Who am I? What am I doing? Is this really the Life I want?”.  At that time I couldn’t consciously respond to those questions so the Universe provided me with the events that gave me the answers.

My mom got sick. One morning she knocked at my door with a big smile on her face and said: “I have to tell you something”.  At first, I thought it was good news but then she said: “I have breast cancer”. In less than a second, the entire world collapsed on me. I was in disbelief, overwhelmed, scared and at the same time, there was a powerful voice coming from the inside that was telling me I had to be strong. I remember taking my mom to the chemo treatments, putting healing music in her ears and reading her stories while she underwent the treatments. I shaved her hair when she started losing it, then took her to choose her wigs; trying the different ones myself and putting on a show in the wig store to make her laugh. I took her to beauty and makeup classes and special healing programs dedicated to women with cancer. I massaged her body with essential oils and did her nails and makeup, even when she was stuck in a bed and couldn’t get up anymore because of her unbearable pain.

On May 20th, 2011, my grandma had a stroke. She was 91 years old.  We took her immediately to the hospital but she didn’t make it through the night. Although they lived together for most of their lives, my Mom and my Grandma had never managed to resolve their relationship. My mom always believed that my Grandma never accepted her so, after her death, she crumbled into a deep sadness and loneliness. After being in remission for a couple of years, her cancer came back and began to worsen. I talked to every doctor I could because I wanted to find the best way to cure her and make her feel that she would never be alone in her fight. I knew that everything I was doing was making her feel happy, beautiful and loved; but I also knew that the disease was destroying her from the inside.  Nine months later, on February 22nd, 2012 my Mom died. If that wasn’t enough to complete a series of painful events, exactly a year later my dad suddenly died too (the story about my dad is another chapter of this blog so hang in there, you’ll get to know it soon).

I was completely devastated and heartbroken. In less than three years I had lost all the people I loved the most. Life had suddenly become meaningless and scary. I thought: “That’s it. I’m gonna die too… What’s the purpose of all this anyway? “.  To this day it’s been the worst moment of my life and… the greatest gift I could ever receive!

Losing my loved ones made me stop and think. I understood how every single second of Life is important. I wanted to achieve my dreams. I felt the deep desire to change and do something more meaningful that could inspire others and leave a legacy for the generations to come.

This series of events stirred a wave of memories of my childhood. I remembered my favorite game, wishing I could go back to being that little girl who used to play with stories. I have always wanted to inspire people through stories. My mom always told me I had the gift to entertain people and make them feel good. The day before she died she told me: “I know now what purpose on earth was. It was to have you. You are the one.” 

Those words kept echoing in my head and I started over.

’til the next one!

Love,

Coxy

MY VERY LAST PICTURE WITH MY MOM 🙁

WHEN WE LIVED IN PARIS, SHE’D OFTEN TAKE ME TO VERSAILLES
IN BANGKOK, BEFORE Louis vuitton PARTY

TESTING OUT MY WEBCAM
IN BANGKOK, BEFORE GUCCI PARTY

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